is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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