Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
