he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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