yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
