spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
