i think i have two assholes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
