And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
