I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
