once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
