I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
