what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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