Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
