I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
