So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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