I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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