No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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