i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
