oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
