A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
