shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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