so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
