I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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