Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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