"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
