Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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