Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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