I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
