Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
