Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
