Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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