My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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