so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
