ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
