I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
