Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
