he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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