forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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