umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
