whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
