You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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