I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
