David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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