What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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