You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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