Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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