Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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