Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
