I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
