that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
