it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
