I want to have your abortion
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
