I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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