You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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