then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
