she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
