piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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