What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
