I feel great
I just peed on a car
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
