i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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