After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
