Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
