I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
