Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I could make wine with my vomit
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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