i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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