I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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