She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize