there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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