i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
