Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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