Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
