if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
