I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
